Happy Valentine's Day

This is the second Valentine's Day that I spent being pregnant. What an interesting thought. Anyway, this year we are checking in to the Ritz Carlton for Valentine's Day. Before you think it's such an extravagant thing to do.....let me tell you....the stay is FOC...hahaha

I got a free hotel stay voucher when I attended the Mariott Vacation Club thing last year and was trying to see if I could use it for the Valentine's Day and I can.

We went to Isetan at Scotts first to see if I could get the thermal magic pot thing and saw that it was selling at half-price now and i still have a S$20 voucher so in the end, it was quite worthwhile to get the pot. I am not sure what happened when I was in Isetan but suddenly I am out of breath and I felt really giddy and I can tell you if I did not manage to sit down in time, I would have fainted. Both my hands were numb and I was perspiring cold sweat. It was terrible. After a short rest, I finally felt better.

Then we made our way to Ritz Carlton and what greeted me shocked me. The queue to check in was so long. Talk about economic crisis, but maybe they have vouchers for free stays as well..hahaha. You see couples and families queuing up and the staff there kept serving drinks to those in the queue. I was asked 3 times if I wanted to sit and wait instead of joining the queue with Philip which I declined politely. I think we stood in queue for about 45mins before we finally reached the check-in counter.

They did not have a ready room for King size bed but offered to give us an upgraded room to a marina bay view room instead of the kallang bay view room hat comes with the voucher but with twin beds instead. I was so tired by then that I don't want to wait another 2 hours for my room so decided to just take the room.

It was exactly like the one I stayed in 2 years back for Philip's birthday. So I didn't bother to take any photos of the room. We brought along 3 DVDs to keep us occupied for the stay.

Initially we wanted to order room service but when we tallied the total cost, it would cost us like S$250. Then we decided maybe we could try their buffet in the restaurant but there are oysters, raw salmon which I can't take now so we decided it's better to go out and eat. We went over to Millenia Walk and decided on Outback Steakhouse as Philip wanted to have steak. But we are faced with yet another long queue. So in the end, we went over to this Japanese restaurant called Raku-zen. The food is pretty good and reasonable.

We had lunch instead the next day at Outback Steakhouse and Philip got to have his steak although he said it's not too good. As we had late checkout till 4pm, we lazed around the room till it was time to check out. The checkout was super fast. And I even got the complimentary parking coupon which otherwise will cost us almost S$30 for the parking.

And that concludes our Valentine's weekend. Looking forward to the next one where we can spend with our little baby.

CNY 2009

Just a month after the Christmas and here comes the Chinese New Year.
This CNY is pretty quiet for me as I opt not to go for any visitations this year also because I do not want relatives to ask me where is my baby.

So I only went to my parent's place and parent's-in-law's place on the first day of new year. We visited my in-laws first and when they left to go for visitations then I adjourned to my parents place.

On the 2nd day, we just stayed at home and watched DVDs. We actually rented 4 DVDs before the CNY...hahaha.

I took leave on the 3rd day and went out for lunch with my Uni fren who came back for CNY from Zurich and at the same time met another Uni fren who is also in town for the CNY from California.

So it was a pretty relaxing CNY for me this year...no stress....less tired and less ang pows to give...hahahaha

How fragile life is....

I chanced upon a particular blog one day (when I was reading another person's blog) and after reading the blog, it makes me really ponder upon the fragility of life.

The blog talks about a young woman who faced life ever so positively after she discovered she had stage 3 cervical cancer. She was quite a high-flier too...becoming a branch manager at age 25 and drove a Saab. She also appeared in an article in the new paper on 4th Jan. Sadly, she passed away on boxing day last year at the age of 30 just 6 months after she was disgnosed with the cancer.

I don't think I will ever be so positive like her since all along I have been quite a pessimist. She never once complained about the pain she gone through with all the radio frequency treatments, chemotherapy and several kidneys and what sort of procedures she had to undergo. In fact, she even made jokes out of them.

It's heartwarming to see her facing life with such energy but alas her life is so short-lived. I know she is with God now, watching over all her friends and family. And I will pray for her family and friends who grieve for their loss.

If you have the time, you can read about her
http://shandysim.blogspot.com

It's been quite a while....

It's been quite a while since I last blogged about anything.

What has been happening these few months....hmmm.....work is still the same as usual.
The economic crisis seems to be getting worse, many people are getting retrenched.
A couple of my friends have given birth to their 2nd babies.

Tried to have a bbq at my place with my friends but it rained so I had to cook all the food in the kitchen. I am pretty happy that I managed to get all the prawns, sotong, chicken etc cooked in an hour's time. After that we played wii...we played the most stupid games but had great fun.

Had christmas gathering at my in-law's place and we played cluedo...that was an old old boardgame but my first time playing it. Then we opened presents so it was quite fun.

Went for a buffet lunch at the pearl orient palace at suntec. My mum offerred to pay for the lunch to "celebrate" the return of her dentures. Her dentures were out of action for a long 3 months and she really suffered not being able to feast on great food...hahaha.

I am a year older now....and my niece drew me a birthday card impromptu style when I was at my mum's place for dinner a few days before my birthday. That was really sweet of her.

My sister returned from her holiday at HCM and raved about the food there. Maybe I should go there one of these days. I bet she will like cambodian food as well if she were to go to Cambodia.

Last but not least, I am pregnant. When I did the home urine test kit, I couldn't believe it so I did another one just to confirm. Both turned out to be positive. At that moment, I was happy but only for a moment cos' the fear starts creeping in thereafter. I started to think will the same thing happen to me again? Will I lose my baby again?

I know it's not good to have negative thoughts but I guess it's pretty inevitable considering you had the bad experience before. This pregnancy is also pretty bad. Nausea feeling lasts whole day and I feel sick most of the time. Can't get out of bed on a lot of occassions. Walked for a while and I will start to feel sick and out of breath.

Now I can only pray that everything will be fine and I will have a smooth delivery and a healthy baby.

Beautiful Bali...Again

This is our second visit to Bali. Decided to do this after the Angkor Wat trip to rest and relax. This time round we stayed at the Jimbaran region.

We booked a villa with a private pool with this villa called The Jimbaran villa - http://www.thejimbaranbalivilla.com/. The villa was much smaller than I thought it would be and the pool is also very small but nonetheless, its pretty private. It also has this open concept shower area. I think the 2 or 3 bedroom units will have a bigger pool.

We were told that the beach is 5 mins away if you cut across the hotel intercontinental which is directly opposite us. But we were told that we can't do that as the security might not allow us in. So its a pretty long walk to the beach. We had seafood dinner at this place which is recommended by people on the internet. We had a kg of fish, half a kg of tiger prawns, half a kg of squid and they will throw in stir fried veg and rice. We also ordered 2 beers. The total cost is only about S$31.50. Cheap right and the food is nice.

Breakfast was served in our villa every morning so we had to make our orders the previous day. We started the next day only in the late morning and got a free shuttle service to the beach from the villa. It was terribly hot and we walked to the four seasons resort which is not very far from where we dropped off at the beach.

After which we had lunch at one of the seafood restaurants along the beach. We decided to have local fare instead of seafood and ordered nasi goreng and mie goreng. After lunch, we took a dip at the pool in our villa and I spent the afternoon reading by the pool.

We started the next day early as we booked ourselves on a one day tour around Bali. Started the day at 8.30am and our first stop was at a batik making place, the person explained how they actually make the batik etc. Ended up buying 2 batik shirts for my dad and my FIL. It's not cheap...each shirt costs S$40+.

Next stop we went to a silver and gold making place and you can see the people soldering the silver onto the jewellery and I ended up buying a silver frangipani flower ring for USD29. At this rate, I can feel I'm going broke soon.Haha. We went to an art place in Ubud and you can see the painter doing a traditional balinese painting in just black colour on the canvas.The place housed a lot of paintings and some paintings can go up to several thousands USD.

After which, we went to a place where they grow and sell coffee.We sampled their coffee and teas and even had the famous luwak coffee which we need to pay extra for. Its USD100 for 100g only. We saw the luwak cat who eat the coffee beans and then poo them out again so we can enjoy the famous luwak coffee. But seriously, the coffee does taste better.

We went to this volcano called Mount Kintamani where there is this lovely lake next to the volcano. We had a buffet lunch at a restaurant that overlooked the volcano. Nice. While on our way to Tanah Lot, we also passed by this lovely rice terraces. I was actually looking forward to Tanah Lot after hearing reviews of how beautiful the place is but when I reached there, I couldn't really find anything to be wowed about.

We decided to make our way to Uluwatu temple which is like 1.5hours away to see the sunset. But it rained heavily when we reached there so we had to give it a miss. On the way back, I wanted to eat Babi Guling and the guide stopped at a local restaurant and we had babi guling and beers and spent the time chatting. Our guide is really chatty and has a lot of friends around the world.

After a hard day of sightseeing, we booked ourselves some spa treatment the next day. I booked a 5.5 hours spa treatment consisting of body scrub, massage, facial, yogurt wrap, milk bath, hair cream treatment and mani and pedi.It only costs USD48. Had a really good time at the spa and the place even do complimentary pickup and dropoff.
We told the driver to drop off at the beach area for dinner and the driver dropped us off at the Kedonganan beach which we have no idea where it is but there are seafood restaurants there as well. It's dark and we didn't know where we were so we decided to just eat there and get the driver to bring us back to the villa thereafter. The seafood dinner which consists of fish, king prawns and mussels with complimentary veg, rice, welcome drinks costs nearly S$90. Wow, the next day we were talking to our driver where we had dinner and he told us that that is the expensive seafood area. But the person at the restaurant told us if we go back next time with a large group, he will come up with a special package for us. The other thing is that most restaurants in this beach has a stage for balinese performances where you can even go up and take a photo with thereafter.

Before leaving for the airport the next day, we had lunch at a local roadside eating place and had their traditional meals which is something like our local veg + rice. Then we did some sourvenir shopping before checking in at the airport. And that is the end of our holidays. Time to go back to reality.

Angkor Wat - Temple City

Have been putting off travelling to visit Angkor Wat for the longest time because the thought of having to walk around the temple makess us feel that it's going to be a tiring trip. Finally decided to do it as I heard they might close off the temple for restoration cos too many tourists there are spoiling the architecture. It is also the UNESCO world heritage site.

Got on to silkair website and saw a pretty good bargain for the tickets at $S298 with taxes and bought the tickets. Next, I went on to search for hotels in Siem Reap. Found a reasonably good one called Prince D'Angkor at S$80 per night. It's supposed to be the low season thus the cheaper hotel rates. Decided to go online and search for a reliable guide to take us to the temple and the booking was made. Everything was booked and then it is the counting down to the day.

The day finally arrived and when we arrived at the airport, we decided to have lunch in T3 transit area and took the skytrain to T3. After walking around for a while, we decided to have lunch at Imperial Treasure. Soon, it was time to board the plane. We sat in the second row from the back and the flight was pretty empty. Food served was quite ok.

Upon departing from the airport, I could see my name clearly in the airport transfer that I booked. The person told us that he had to be there early else someone would use my name and snatched me away although I am wondering how would the person know my name.

Anyway, the driver is a pretty young chap and was driving at such a snail speed that I wondered how long will the 10 mins drive took. The driver even recommended us a local restaurant at the famous old market area. The hotel is well-hidden from the main road and I don't even realise that there is an hotel there. The hotel looks ok, our room is on the first floor and that means no lift access and we need to use the stairs (lobby is groundfloor) which may be difficult for those who have big bags.

Our room faces the pool and has a balcony which we didnt make use of at all. The room is big and bathroom is pretty clean as well. We decided to take a walk outside and will attempt to find the restaurant recommended by the driver. We got some directions and a map from the reception and started walking out. Along the way, there are many massage shops (very similar to those in bangkok) and the people who tried to get you to use their services sound exactly like those in bangkok/phuket/krabi.

We reached the pub street area and was greeted with lights and sounds that jazzed up the whole place. We past by the famous dead fish tower and the red piano. The roads there are closed every night just for tourists. Just as we were about to give up trying to look for the restaurant, we turned the corner and saw the restaurant.

We tried their famous amok fish (taste like green curry of thailand but its not that sweet and its not made of coconut), sour soup (like tom yum goong but not spicy), some fried vegetables and beer. It costs us USD13 for the meal. A short walk and we landed in the night market. A bit like suam lum night bazaar in bangkok kind.

We started the next morning very early as we tried to catch sunrise at Angkor Wat. The driver came together with our guide (our guide couldn't make it as he is still occupied in Phomn Penh so he sent his brother here) at around 5am. There are other groups waiting at the lobby with their guides and all ready to make that trip to the temples.

After buying the tickets, we enter the temple. It was so dark that I couldn't see the surroundings at all and I had to use a torchlight. The day was pretty cloudy so there wasn't much of sunrise to see. So we went back to the hotel around 6.30am for breakfast before meeting our guide at 8.30am to continue our adventure in the temples.

Angkor Wat is just one the temples on the whole area. The place is simply too huge and consists of so many temples, sculptures, carvings etc. Our guide carefully explained the stone carvings on the temple walls which unfolds a story of the ancient wars between the different reigns of kings and emperors. You can see evidence of Thai influences because they were once invaded by Thai which is why the name Siem Reap. Siem - an ancient name of Thailand in Khmer and Reap means defeat and together it means Thailand was defeated. There is also the french influence after being colonised by the French in the 19th century.

The guide took us through the various temples and explains the rich history behind the temples. You can feel the magnificence of the place when it is in its glorious days. You can also find a lot of cambodian kids near the temples peddling stuff like guide books, fridge magnets, post cards etc. They can speak very fluent english and some even spoke in mandarin to me. I was told that we should not get anything from them else they would think it's easier to earn money like this and refused to go to school.

We stopped for lunch at a local restaurant near the temple and had the local fare as well but this time round, it costs us USD22. After lunch, we continued our journey to Ta Phrom where the first Tomb Raider was shot. You can see a lot of tourists trying to take pictures there. As the day past, I can feel tiredness settling in. Finally, we ended around 4pm after a shopping trip to the center market where we bought some sourvenirs and an oil painting of the Angkor Wat. We signed up for an apsara (known as celestial beings in their culture) dance and buffet dinner that evening. The dancers are all quite pretty especially one of them with big round eyes and a lovely smile. The buffet was so-so only.

The next day was a relaxing one. Started the day late and went around the old market. The old market only operates during the day. It's like our wet market in Singapore where they sell vegetables, live produce etc. There's even makeshift stalls on the cement floor where I saw a stall selling shoes next to a stall selling fish. Interesting sight. After more shopping, we went back to the hotel to have a nap before going out for dinner. We had dinner at this place called Angkor Palm near the pub street and the owner seemed to be a local chinese as he spoke to us in Mandarin and showed us the website he is surfing which is on his restaurant reviews. Apparently, his restaurant is listed in the lonely planet as well.We tried the angkor platter at his restaurant which consists of honey ribs, vegetables, fresh spring roll (like vietnamese paper rice spring roll). It was not too bad. I guess overall I quite like the food in Siem Reap.
That more or less conclude our trip to the ancient city. I must appeal to all to help to preserve the temple and do not attempt to take any piece of the place home with you.

The uploading of pictures to the site is not working properlyso I can do much uploading here.

Auckland 2008

It's the first time I am in New Zealand so I was pretty excited about it. It's also a good time for me to visit my branch there since they are acquired by my company about a year back.

The Melbourne airport enforced a strict 20kg baggage rule on every passenger and I was really scared I would hit the limit as I had 2 bottles of wine, my laptop and my boots etc inside. The weight was 20.6kg....phew...the counter staff was pretty lenient. It took about 3.5 hours to fly from Melbourne to Auckland and the flight was pretty ok on Air New Zealand. The sandwich served was hot and comfortable for a cool day.

Taxi ride in NZ is very expensive...it costs me NZD72 to get to my hotel in the city (a 30 mins ride). There are many taxi operators in NZ because the market is open for anyone to come in.

The hotel which I stayed in is pretty good. Near to the SkyCity and behind my hotel is the shopping and food atrium. You can get all sorts of food at the foodcourt.The room is pretty big too . Above is a pic I took from the Sky Tower.

The following 2 days were spent at the Auckland office as well. It's a good visit as it's my first time meeting the people there and letting know more about how we function.

As I am leaving on a midnight flight, I spent the saturday morning visiting the Sky Tower...the tallest tower in the southern hemisphere. And in the afternoon, I signed up for a wine tour as well. Wine region in NZ is not as grand as Australia. I visited this gannet colony near the Tasman sea. Very big and beautiful sea birds.

I also find that Auckland is a melting pot of different culture and races. I can find a lot of Asians there. Every corner, you can hear people speaking in Mandarin, Cantonese, Korean, Japanese and Hindi/Tamil.

After returning from the wine tour, I went back to the hotel for dinner and then asked to take a shower in the gym and stayed there till time to leave for the airport. Bought quite a lot of sourvenirs and food from the airport back home for family and co-workers.And guess what? My checked in luggage weigh 22kg and I have a hand luggage of 6kg but I didn't do any shopping in NZ. Can't explain the increase in my baggage.

Melbourne 2008

It's time again for my yearly trip to our Melbourne office. Arrived early on sunday morning in Melbourne and decided to go for a wine tour. The tour brought us to 4 different wineries and lunch is included. Vineyards have always been my favourite, guess its because we lived in a "concrete" city and vast land is simply impossible to find and even if you see one, its either state land or waiting for some developer to buy over and start to build more residences.

I am not much of a wine drinker and my preference is certainly sweet wine such as riesling and port. I had a great time at the vineyards and certainly enjoyed the cool temperature.

The next 2 days are spent at our Melbourne office discussing and resolving issues. It was a fruitful trip and things are certainly looking better than the previous year when I visited the office.

Had an early finish at the 2nd day and after depositing my stuff back at the hotel after lunch, I proceeded to the DFO near the hotel and walked around for a while. Bought a pair of boots (thank god i bought it as the pair back home was spoilt when I checked it the other day) and some clothes. The kids clothes are really cute but mostly are for the winter season.

I had apple strudel from one of the shop at crown entertainment centre after dinner one evening and it was really nice. Krispy Kreme doesn't really taste as nice as the ones I had from Jakarta.

And that concludes my Melbourne trip.

Jakarta 2008

It's been almost 2 years since the last time I went to my Jakarta office. The trip was good. Managed to clear the doubts of the people there and discussions went on well.

Stayed at the Pan Pacific this time round as the usual hotel I stayed in was under renovation. The hotel was pretty ok just that I find that it needs renovation. The fixtures were pretty rundown. I was happy to have my krispy kreme donuts as well.

The plane back from Jakarta was an airbus which offered only executive economy seats and the seats were pretty spacious. We landed in T3 and I was pretty excited as it's the first time I was in T3 (excluding the T3 tour I took) after it officially opened. Our plane was parked just next to the A380.

Initially, I was wondering why are people taking photos of our plane and then I realised that they were actually taking photos of the A380. So that concludes my trip.

Happy Birthday...

I just wanted to say Happy Birthday to you...my dearest baby.

Sleepless Nites

I have been having sleepless nites for the past 2 weeks, I can stay awake the whole night till or I will fall asleep only at dawn. At the back of my mind...i imagined that maybe my body was preparing for the birth of my baby which of course doesn't exist anymore (which I heard soon-to-deliver mothers will have sleepless nights closer to delivery date) which I was supposed to due to deliver in 2 weeks time.

I know I must have sounded crazy to most people afterall the event happened 3 mths back already. Hey, it's only 3 months ago and I'm allowed to mourn the death of my daughter. Death is not an easy thing to forget. Everyday memories of my baby and my pregnancy just crept back into my head silently....so silently that I thought I was hallucinating....

How long will it linger in my thoughts? How much pain will I be able to endure with each passing day? I don't know. I really don't know.

Exactly one month

Exactly one month to my delivery date - 25th July 2008.

My hubby was telling me one of his colleague asked him today am I due to deliver soon?
It sounded so strange to hear this now...I wished I am due to deliver soon too but....sigh.....

Back and extremely tired

The journey to Amsterdam was pretty good. I moved to a more comfortable seat on the plane so that there isn't anyone beside me. Watched a couple of movies - 5 to be exact as I can't really sleep.

The checking in to the hotel almost turned out to be a nightmare. The hotel was locked when I reached there and I had to press the bell so that the person can open the door but was told I can only checked in 20mins later. Then the lady came and said the room was not ready and I had to wait till noon. It was only 7am and what am I supposed to do for 5 hours? I was tired and really needed to rest.

She tried to search for rooms and that took almost an hour before I was finally able to get a room. I slept almost immediately after I reached the room. Woke up around lunch time and went out to Leiden, another city in Netherlands.

It is summer in netherlands and the days are really really long. The sun didn't really set till after midnight so I had to draw all curtains before I sleep.

After lunch, I walked and shopped till 5pm where the shops closed for the day. Had quite a bad experience at H&M. I didn't realise it was quarter to five when I was about to go and try on the clothes and the salesperson refused to let me try the clothes. She said they were closing at 5pm and its sunday and they wanted to go home. I was so mad, I just left the clothes there and left. Bad service attitude.

The following week was packed with presentations and meetings. But its a good chance to see all the new faces as my dept really expanded since I was there last April.

On saturday, I had a meeting with my boss around noon as it was just too busy to meet during the week. After that, he sent me to the airport where I deposited my luggage before I headed out to Amsterdam to walk around.

Did some shopping at Zara, H&M, Mango etc. I was quite surprised I got lost while trying to find the luxury shopping area. A 30mins walk turn out to be 1.5hours walk. When I reached there, I was the last customer they allowed into the gucci store. Saw the bag I wanted to get and was the last one who made the purchase too.

Then I headed the wrong way again and spent the next 1.5hours trying to get back to the train station. My shoes came off and I was exhasuted. I stumbled upon the Anne Frank House on the way though.

There was quite an atmosphere when I was in Amsterdam itself because that saturday night, Netherlands is having a big game with Russia for the Euro 2008.

Everywhere is decked in orange flags and people were wearing orange clothes, caps etc. You can see groups and groups of people on boats in the canal enjoying their national beer - Heineken and cheering...it was really fun. Too bad, they lost to Russia. The news was broadcasted by the pilot when I was in the plane.

Bought some chocolates and cheese at the airport as well as a longchamp bag. I don't know how much does a longchamp bag costs here but i bought it for 52.50euro for the medium size one.

I slept early on sunday night and only woke up for lunch the next day and then I continued to sleep till evening. Then I couldn't sleep the whole of monday night to tuesday morning and could only manage to sleep 3 hours on wednesday morning. Quite bad. So am feeling really really tired.

Off to Amsterdam...

Now at the airport waiting for my flight to Amsterdam. First time on a economy flight to Amsterdam on KLM. Really wonder how it will be like. Pray that I got good passengers beside me.

Going Home

Last day in India..after a long week of training and meetings. I am pretty happy with how things are moving forward. Hopefully things will remain well and as what I told them to do after I leave.

Looking forward to meeting my hubby.

But I have less than 24 hours before I have to fly off to Amsterdam for another week.

Flying Off....

To India....at the airport now and on the day i'm coming back from india, i will be flying off to amsterdam.

Am planning my travel for the next few months. Have been putting off travelling since I got pregnant and now I have to get back into momentum.

250 days and counting

250 days....that would be the number of days I am pregnant if I am still pregnant.

Lovely Sunday

Since after the incident, it's been quite a while that I really stepped out of my house to town area let alone on weekends.

So hubby decided to take me out to Sunday Brunch.

We decided on Conrad Hotel as we have never been there for brunch before. I was actually pretty surprised when I asked hubby when he is plannig to take me out for brunch and he said...ok...let's do it this sunday.


I thought there was a dress code for the brunch but I saw people wearing bermudas and slippers. Interesting....guess for the price you are paying...they don't actually care what you wore.


Service was pretty attentive in the restaurant and hubby and myself were pleasantly surprised.

I tried 3 types of oysters - canadian oysters, french osyters and australian oysters. Personally, I preferred the french oysters. It tasted fresh and sweet.


Of course I had lobster, prawn, crab, salmon sashimi, mussel etc. I actually just took one of each as I just wanted to have a taste. There's even foie gras which I still feel there is this weird taste. The best foie gras i tasted was in this restaurant called vertigo in banyan tree bangkok, superb...yummy. I tried it once as well in this fine dining french restaurant called jaan at fairmont singapore (used to be called swissotel, the stamford) and it doesn't taste good.

And that concludes our lovely sunday.

I would have been....

28 weeks and 4 days pregnant...that is if I am still pregnant.

It's hard not to think about it and it's even harder not to cry while thinking about it.

It's been over a month...and I am back at my first day at work.

Nobody really asked about my baby YET....and I do hoped they don't ask. Some closer ones just ask about my health and ask me to take care.

Am I expected to look sad or look as if nothing has happened?
Will looking sad make me seem weak and that I wasn't capable of performing at work?
Does acting as if nothing has happened make me an unfeeling person and that I couldn't care less about the baby?

I don't know how I should behave.

Time passes by.....

It's been 3 weeks since the fateful day. I won't deny the pain I am still feeling. Everything reminds me of my baby...pregnant ladies, ladies who had just given birth, the baby stuff I had at home, books etc.

I complied my baby scans photos into a folder...I don't know what I am looking for.

Am I hoping for some closure into this? Sometimes I find myself asking what I could have done to prevent any of this from happening....my gynae, hubby and friends assured me that it's not my fault and I should not blame myself.

Now, I don't even feel like going back to my usual hairdresser or facial or anywhere else for that matters where I had been to when I was pregnant. People will ask....I will have to reply.....again and again....over and over again.

Sometimes I find myself stroking my tummy as if the baby is still there and sometimes I can even feel her kicking....

I know it's not going to be easy and I know all my friends are there to support and comfort me when I need but I guess this is something I had to overcome myself.

I had to go through this grieving process.....a painful process....