Beautiful Bali...Again

This is our second visit to Bali. Decided to do this after the Angkor Wat trip to rest and relax. This time round we stayed at the Jimbaran region.

We booked a villa with a private pool with this villa called The Jimbaran villa - http://www.thejimbaranbalivilla.com/. The villa was much smaller than I thought it would be and the pool is also very small but nonetheless, its pretty private. It also has this open concept shower area. I think the 2 or 3 bedroom units will have a bigger pool.

We were told that the beach is 5 mins away if you cut across the hotel intercontinental which is directly opposite us. But we were told that we can't do that as the security might not allow us in. So its a pretty long walk to the beach. We had seafood dinner at this place which is recommended by people on the internet. We had a kg of fish, half a kg of tiger prawns, half a kg of squid and they will throw in stir fried veg and rice. We also ordered 2 beers. The total cost is only about S$31.50. Cheap right and the food is nice.

Breakfast was served in our villa every morning so we had to make our orders the previous day. We started the next day only in the late morning and got a free shuttle service to the beach from the villa. It was terribly hot and we walked to the four seasons resort which is not very far from where we dropped off at the beach.

After which we had lunch at one of the seafood restaurants along the beach. We decided to have local fare instead of seafood and ordered nasi goreng and mie goreng. After lunch, we took a dip at the pool in our villa and I spent the afternoon reading by the pool.

We started the next day early as we booked ourselves on a one day tour around Bali. Started the day at 8.30am and our first stop was at a batik making place, the person explained how they actually make the batik etc. Ended up buying 2 batik shirts for my dad and my FIL. It's not cheap...each shirt costs S$40+.

Next stop we went to a silver and gold making place and you can see the people soldering the silver onto the jewellery and I ended up buying a silver frangipani flower ring for USD29. At this rate, I can feel I'm going broke soon.Haha. We went to an art place in Ubud and you can see the painter doing a traditional balinese painting in just black colour on the canvas.The place housed a lot of paintings and some paintings can go up to several thousands USD.

After which, we went to a place where they grow and sell coffee.We sampled their coffee and teas and even had the famous luwak coffee which we need to pay extra for. Its USD100 for 100g only. We saw the luwak cat who eat the coffee beans and then poo them out again so we can enjoy the famous luwak coffee. But seriously, the coffee does taste better.

We went to this volcano called Mount Kintamani where there is this lovely lake next to the volcano. We had a buffet lunch at a restaurant that overlooked the volcano. Nice. While on our way to Tanah Lot, we also passed by this lovely rice terraces. I was actually looking forward to Tanah Lot after hearing reviews of how beautiful the place is but when I reached there, I couldn't really find anything to be wowed about.

We decided to make our way to Uluwatu temple which is like 1.5hours away to see the sunset. But it rained heavily when we reached there so we had to give it a miss. On the way back, I wanted to eat Babi Guling and the guide stopped at a local restaurant and we had babi guling and beers and spent the time chatting. Our guide is really chatty and has a lot of friends around the world.

After a hard day of sightseeing, we booked ourselves some spa treatment the next day. I booked a 5.5 hours spa treatment consisting of body scrub, massage, facial, yogurt wrap, milk bath, hair cream treatment and mani and pedi.It only costs USD48. Had a really good time at the spa and the place even do complimentary pickup and dropoff.
We told the driver to drop off at the beach area for dinner and the driver dropped us off at the Kedonganan beach which we have no idea where it is but there are seafood restaurants there as well. It's dark and we didn't know where we were so we decided to just eat there and get the driver to bring us back to the villa thereafter. The seafood dinner which consists of fish, king prawns and mussels with complimentary veg, rice, welcome drinks costs nearly S$90. Wow, the next day we were talking to our driver where we had dinner and he told us that that is the expensive seafood area. But the person at the restaurant told us if we go back next time with a large group, he will come up with a special package for us. The other thing is that most restaurants in this beach has a stage for balinese performances where you can even go up and take a photo with thereafter.

Before leaving for the airport the next day, we had lunch at a local roadside eating place and had their traditional meals which is something like our local veg + rice. Then we did some sourvenir shopping before checking in at the airport. And that is the end of our holidays. Time to go back to reality.

Angkor Wat - Temple City

Have been putting off travelling to visit Angkor Wat for the longest time because the thought of having to walk around the temple makess us feel that it's going to be a tiring trip. Finally decided to do it as I heard they might close off the temple for restoration cos too many tourists there are spoiling the architecture. It is also the UNESCO world heritage site.

Got on to silkair website and saw a pretty good bargain for the tickets at $S298 with taxes and bought the tickets. Next, I went on to search for hotels in Siem Reap. Found a reasonably good one called Prince D'Angkor at S$80 per night. It's supposed to be the low season thus the cheaper hotel rates. Decided to go online and search for a reliable guide to take us to the temple and the booking was made. Everything was booked and then it is the counting down to the day.

The day finally arrived and when we arrived at the airport, we decided to have lunch in T3 transit area and took the skytrain to T3. After walking around for a while, we decided to have lunch at Imperial Treasure. Soon, it was time to board the plane. We sat in the second row from the back and the flight was pretty empty. Food served was quite ok.

Upon departing from the airport, I could see my name clearly in the airport transfer that I booked. The person told us that he had to be there early else someone would use my name and snatched me away although I am wondering how would the person know my name.

Anyway, the driver is a pretty young chap and was driving at such a snail speed that I wondered how long will the 10 mins drive took. The driver even recommended us a local restaurant at the famous old market area. The hotel is well-hidden from the main road and I don't even realise that there is an hotel there. The hotel looks ok, our room is on the first floor and that means no lift access and we need to use the stairs (lobby is groundfloor) which may be difficult for those who have big bags.

Our room faces the pool and has a balcony which we didnt make use of at all. The room is big and bathroom is pretty clean as well. We decided to take a walk outside and will attempt to find the restaurant recommended by the driver. We got some directions and a map from the reception and started walking out. Along the way, there are many massage shops (very similar to those in bangkok) and the people who tried to get you to use their services sound exactly like those in bangkok/phuket/krabi.

We reached the pub street area and was greeted with lights and sounds that jazzed up the whole place. We past by the famous dead fish tower and the red piano. The roads there are closed every night just for tourists. Just as we were about to give up trying to look for the restaurant, we turned the corner and saw the restaurant.

We tried their famous amok fish (taste like green curry of thailand but its not that sweet and its not made of coconut), sour soup (like tom yum goong but not spicy), some fried vegetables and beer. It costs us USD13 for the meal. A short walk and we landed in the night market. A bit like suam lum night bazaar in bangkok kind.

We started the next morning very early as we tried to catch sunrise at Angkor Wat. The driver came together with our guide (our guide couldn't make it as he is still occupied in Phomn Penh so he sent his brother here) at around 5am. There are other groups waiting at the lobby with their guides and all ready to make that trip to the temples.

After buying the tickets, we enter the temple. It was so dark that I couldn't see the surroundings at all and I had to use a torchlight. The day was pretty cloudy so there wasn't much of sunrise to see. So we went back to the hotel around 6.30am for breakfast before meeting our guide at 8.30am to continue our adventure in the temples.

Angkor Wat is just one the temples on the whole area. The place is simply too huge and consists of so many temples, sculptures, carvings etc. Our guide carefully explained the stone carvings on the temple walls which unfolds a story of the ancient wars between the different reigns of kings and emperors. You can see evidence of Thai influences because they were once invaded by Thai which is why the name Siem Reap. Siem - an ancient name of Thailand in Khmer and Reap means defeat and together it means Thailand was defeated. There is also the french influence after being colonised by the French in the 19th century.

The guide took us through the various temples and explains the rich history behind the temples. You can feel the magnificence of the place when it is in its glorious days. You can also find a lot of cambodian kids near the temples peddling stuff like guide books, fridge magnets, post cards etc. They can speak very fluent english and some even spoke in mandarin to me. I was told that we should not get anything from them else they would think it's easier to earn money like this and refused to go to school.

We stopped for lunch at a local restaurant near the temple and had the local fare as well but this time round, it costs us USD22. After lunch, we continued our journey to Ta Phrom where the first Tomb Raider was shot. You can see a lot of tourists trying to take pictures there. As the day past, I can feel tiredness settling in. Finally, we ended around 4pm after a shopping trip to the center market where we bought some sourvenirs and an oil painting of the Angkor Wat. We signed up for an apsara (known as celestial beings in their culture) dance and buffet dinner that evening. The dancers are all quite pretty especially one of them with big round eyes and a lovely smile. The buffet was so-so only.

The next day was a relaxing one. Started the day late and went around the old market. The old market only operates during the day. It's like our wet market in Singapore where they sell vegetables, live produce etc. There's even makeshift stalls on the cement floor where I saw a stall selling shoes next to a stall selling fish. Interesting sight. After more shopping, we went back to the hotel to have a nap before going out for dinner. We had dinner at this place called Angkor Palm near the pub street and the owner seemed to be a local chinese as he spoke to us in Mandarin and showed us the website he is surfing which is on his restaurant reviews. Apparently, his restaurant is listed in the lonely planet as well.We tried the angkor platter at his restaurant which consists of honey ribs, vegetables, fresh spring roll (like vietnamese paper rice spring roll). It was not too bad. I guess overall I quite like the food in Siem Reap.
That more or less conclude our trip to the ancient city. I must appeal to all to help to preserve the temple and do not attempt to take any piece of the place home with you.

The uploading of pictures to the site is not working properlyso I can do much uploading here.

Auckland 2008

It's the first time I am in New Zealand so I was pretty excited about it. It's also a good time for me to visit my branch there since they are acquired by my company about a year back.

The Melbourne airport enforced a strict 20kg baggage rule on every passenger and I was really scared I would hit the limit as I had 2 bottles of wine, my laptop and my boots etc inside. The weight was 20.6kg....phew...the counter staff was pretty lenient. It took about 3.5 hours to fly from Melbourne to Auckland and the flight was pretty ok on Air New Zealand. The sandwich served was hot and comfortable for a cool day.

Taxi ride in NZ is very expensive...it costs me NZD72 to get to my hotel in the city (a 30 mins ride). There are many taxi operators in NZ because the market is open for anyone to come in.

The hotel which I stayed in is pretty good. Near to the SkyCity and behind my hotel is the shopping and food atrium. You can get all sorts of food at the foodcourt.The room is pretty big too . Above is a pic I took from the Sky Tower.

The following 2 days were spent at the Auckland office as well. It's a good visit as it's my first time meeting the people there and letting know more about how we function.

As I am leaving on a midnight flight, I spent the saturday morning visiting the Sky Tower...the tallest tower in the southern hemisphere. And in the afternoon, I signed up for a wine tour as well. Wine region in NZ is not as grand as Australia. I visited this gannet colony near the Tasman sea. Very big and beautiful sea birds.

I also find that Auckland is a melting pot of different culture and races. I can find a lot of Asians there. Every corner, you can hear people speaking in Mandarin, Cantonese, Korean, Japanese and Hindi/Tamil.

After returning from the wine tour, I went back to the hotel for dinner and then asked to take a shower in the gym and stayed there till time to leave for the airport. Bought quite a lot of sourvenirs and food from the airport back home for family and co-workers.And guess what? My checked in luggage weigh 22kg and I have a hand luggage of 6kg but I didn't do any shopping in NZ. Can't explain the increase in my baggage.

Melbourne 2008

It's time again for my yearly trip to our Melbourne office. Arrived early on sunday morning in Melbourne and decided to go for a wine tour. The tour brought us to 4 different wineries and lunch is included. Vineyards have always been my favourite, guess its because we lived in a "concrete" city and vast land is simply impossible to find and even if you see one, its either state land or waiting for some developer to buy over and start to build more residences.

I am not much of a wine drinker and my preference is certainly sweet wine such as riesling and port. I had a great time at the vineyards and certainly enjoyed the cool temperature.

The next 2 days are spent at our Melbourne office discussing and resolving issues. It was a fruitful trip and things are certainly looking better than the previous year when I visited the office.

Had an early finish at the 2nd day and after depositing my stuff back at the hotel after lunch, I proceeded to the DFO near the hotel and walked around for a while. Bought a pair of boots (thank god i bought it as the pair back home was spoilt when I checked it the other day) and some clothes. The kids clothes are really cute but mostly are for the winter season.

I had apple strudel from one of the shop at crown entertainment centre after dinner one evening and it was really nice. Krispy Kreme doesn't really taste as nice as the ones I had from Jakarta.

And that concludes my Melbourne trip.

Jakarta 2008

It's been almost 2 years since the last time I went to my Jakarta office. The trip was good. Managed to clear the doubts of the people there and discussions went on well.

Stayed at the Pan Pacific this time round as the usual hotel I stayed in was under renovation. The hotel was pretty ok just that I find that it needs renovation. The fixtures were pretty rundown. I was happy to have my krispy kreme donuts as well.

The plane back from Jakarta was an airbus which offered only executive economy seats and the seats were pretty spacious. We landed in T3 and I was pretty excited as it's the first time I was in T3 (excluding the T3 tour I took) after it officially opened. Our plane was parked just next to the A380.

Initially, I was wondering why are people taking photos of our plane and then I realised that they were actually taking photos of the A380. So that concludes my trip.

Happy Birthday...

I just wanted to say Happy Birthday to you...my dearest baby.

Sleepless Nites

I have been having sleepless nites for the past 2 weeks, I can stay awake the whole night till or I will fall asleep only at dawn. At the back of my mind...i imagined that maybe my body was preparing for the birth of my baby which of course doesn't exist anymore (which I heard soon-to-deliver mothers will have sleepless nights closer to delivery date) which I was supposed to due to deliver in 2 weeks time.

I know I must have sounded crazy to most people afterall the event happened 3 mths back already. Hey, it's only 3 months ago and I'm allowed to mourn the death of my daughter. Death is not an easy thing to forget. Everyday memories of my baby and my pregnancy just crept back into my head silently....so silently that I thought I was hallucinating....

How long will it linger in my thoughts? How much pain will I be able to endure with each passing day? I don't know. I really don't know.

Exactly one month

Exactly one month to my delivery date - 25th July 2008.

My hubby was telling me one of his colleague asked him today am I due to deliver soon?
It sounded so strange to hear this now...I wished I am due to deliver soon too but....sigh.....

Back and extremely tired

The journey to Amsterdam was pretty good. I moved to a more comfortable seat on the plane so that there isn't anyone beside me. Watched a couple of movies - 5 to be exact as I can't really sleep.

The checking in to the hotel almost turned out to be a nightmare. The hotel was locked when I reached there and I had to press the bell so that the person can open the door but was told I can only checked in 20mins later. Then the lady came and said the room was not ready and I had to wait till noon. It was only 7am and what am I supposed to do for 5 hours? I was tired and really needed to rest.

She tried to search for rooms and that took almost an hour before I was finally able to get a room. I slept almost immediately after I reached the room. Woke up around lunch time and went out to Leiden, another city in Netherlands.

It is summer in netherlands and the days are really really long. The sun didn't really set till after midnight so I had to draw all curtains before I sleep.

After lunch, I walked and shopped till 5pm where the shops closed for the day. Had quite a bad experience at H&M. I didn't realise it was quarter to five when I was about to go and try on the clothes and the salesperson refused to let me try the clothes. She said they were closing at 5pm and its sunday and they wanted to go home. I was so mad, I just left the clothes there and left. Bad service attitude.

The following week was packed with presentations and meetings. But its a good chance to see all the new faces as my dept really expanded since I was there last April.

On saturday, I had a meeting with my boss around noon as it was just too busy to meet during the week. After that, he sent me to the airport where I deposited my luggage before I headed out to Amsterdam to walk around.

Did some shopping at Zara, H&M, Mango etc. I was quite surprised I got lost while trying to find the luxury shopping area. A 30mins walk turn out to be 1.5hours walk. When I reached there, I was the last customer they allowed into the gucci store. Saw the bag I wanted to get and was the last one who made the purchase too.

Then I headed the wrong way again and spent the next 1.5hours trying to get back to the train station. My shoes came off and I was exhasuted. I stumbled upon the Anne Frank House on the way though.

There was quite an atmosphere when I was in Amsterdam itself because that saturday night, Netherlands is having a big game with Russia for the Euro 2008.

Everywhere is decked in orange flags and people were wearing orange clothes, caps etc. You can see groups and groups of people on boats in the canal enjoying their national beer - Heineken and cheering...it was really fun. Too bad, they lost to Russia. The news was broadcasted by the pilot when I was in the plane.

Bought some chocolates and cheese at the airport as well as a longchamp bag. I don't know how much does a longchamp bag costs here but i bought it for 52.50euro for the medium size one.

I slept early on sunday night and only woke up for lunch the next day and then I continued to sleep till evening. Then I couldn't sleep the whole of monday night to tuesday morning and could only manage to sleep 3 hours on wednesday morning. Quite bad. So am feeling really really tired.

Off to Amsterdam...

Now at the airport waiting for my flight to Amsterdam. First time on a economy flight to Amsterdam on KLM. Really wonder how it will be like. Pray that I got good passengers beside me.

Going Home

Last day in India..after a long week of training and meetings. I am pretty happy with how things are moving forward. Hopefully things will remain well and as what I told them to do after I leave.

Looking forward to meeting my hubby.

But I have less than 24 hours before I have to fly off to Amsterdam for another week.

Flying Off....

To India....at the airport now and on the day i'm coming back from india, i will be flying off to amsterdam.

Am planning my travel for the next few months. Have been putting off travelling since I got pregnant and now I have to get back into momentum.

250 days and counting

250 days....that would be the number of days I am pregnant if I am still pregnant.

Lovely Sunday

Since after the incident, it's been quite a while that I really stepped out of my house to town area let alone on weekends.

So hubby decided to take me out to Sunday Brunch.

We decided on Conrad Hotel as we have never been there for brunch before. I was actually pretty surprised when I asked hubby when he is plannig to take me out for brunch and he said...ok...let's do it this sunday.


I thought there was a dress code for the brunch but I saw people wearing bermudas and slippers. Interesting....guess for the price you are paying...they don't actually care what you wore.


Service was pretty attentive in the restaurant and hubby and myself were pleasantly surprised.

I tried 3 types of oysters - canadian oysters, french osyters and australian oysters. Personally, I preferred the french oysters. It tasted fresh and sweet.


Of course I had lobster, prawn, crab, salmon sashimi, mussel etc. I actually just took one of each as I just wanted to have a taste. There's even foie gras which I still feel there is this weird taste. The best foie gras i tasted was in this restaurant called vertigo in banyan tree bangkok, superb...yummy. I tried it once as well in this fine dining french restaurant called jaan at fairmont singapore (used to be called swissotel, the stamford) and it doesn't taste good.

And that concludes our lovely sunday.

I would have been....

28 weeks and 4 days pregnant...that is if I am still pregnant.

It's hard not to think about it and it's even harder not to cry while thinking about it.

It's been over a month...and I am back at my first day at work.

Nobody really asked about my baby YET....and I do hoped they don't ask. Some closer ones just ask about my health and ask me to take care.

Am I expected to look sad or look as if nothing has happened?
Will looking sad make me seem weak and that I wasn't capable of performing at work?
Does acting as if nothing has happened make me an unfeeling person and that I couldn't care less about the baby?

I don't know how I should behave.

Time passes by.....

It's been 3 weeks since the fateful day. I won't deny the pain I am still feeling. Everything reminds me of my baby...pregnant ladies, ladies who had just given birth, the baby stuff I had at home, books etc.

I complied my baby scans photos into a folder...I don't know what I am looking for.

Am I hoping for some closure into this? Sometimes I find myself asking what I could have done to prevent any of this from happening....my gynae, hubby and friends assured me that it's not my fault and I should not blame myself.

Now, I don't even feel like going back to my usual hairdresser or facial or anywhere else for that matters where I had been to when I was pregnant. People will ask....I will have to reply.....again and again....over and over again.

Sometimes I find myself stroking my tummy as if the baby is still there and sometimes I can even feel her kicking....

I know it's not going to be easy and I know all my friends are there to support and comfort me when I need but I guess this is something I had to overcome myself.

I had to go through this grieving process.....a painful process....

Doctor's Review

Had a review with the doctor on Friday. Gynae told me that the baby weighed 560grams. I kept telling myself not to cry but I still did. Tears just flowed out of my eyes when he started mentioning about what happened that day. Mine was classified as a mid-trimester miscarriage.

The gynae told me that with the infection, the baby couldn't have survived instead he said because of the premature delivery, I was in a way saved. If the dead fetus had turned into pus, I would be in danger and it would have caused my life.

Did my baby girl actually saved my life? Did she sacrified herself to save mummy? I was overwhelmed. I did not know what to think.

I am still thinking of my little girl every single day.

I can't bear the thought of celebrating mother's day or father's day....we are supposed to be mother and father -to-be....

I really don't know.....

It's been over a week...

It’s been slightly over a week since it happened but the events are so deeply etched in my mind that I know I will never ever forget what happened. I have cried countless times and spent dozen of hours just staring blankly and even counting down every single day to the day when she should have been borned.

Healing has been a painful process and I prayed everyday that the pain will be lesser each passing day. I am grateful and truly blessed with an understanding and loving husband. I know he is upset as well when I saw tears welling up in his eyes on that fateful day when the baby came out.

He shared with me the story of Job from the Bible when the God allowed the devil to take away everything Job had including his family and riches. But Job did not renounce his faith in God and was blessed with twice as much later on.

I surprised myself because I have never questioned God why does this happen to me? I believe there is a reason for everything that happened and I am glad that this happened to me instead of any of my friends.

My boss has been supportive of me as well…asking me to take as long as I needed to recuperate.

I lost my baby.....

25th March - At around 5.15pm, I felt this pain in my lower abdomen that felt like menstrual cramp. I ignored it but it came back again around 5.30pm. I called my gynae and he asked me to check into the hospital immediately. I sent a sms to hubby as I knew he was having a meeting but no reply. I called my sister and asked her to meet me at the hospital. I reached the hospital around 6pm, went up to the labor ward. I told the nurse that I am experiencing some menstrual pain and they asked me to get changed and laid me down on the bed. My sister was asked to do the admission for me. Frankly, I still do not feel any bit worried at that moment.

The nurse strapped on this machine which helps to measure my contraction and said, I was having some very mild contractions. They called my doctor and I was put on a drip called ventolin which is supposed to help relax my uterus but it will increase my pulse. I managed to get hubby (apparently he didn’t get my sms) and he came down around 8pm. The contractions tapered off but I was still put on the drip throughout the whole night and my gynae came around 9+pm to take a look at me.

26th March – I was still on the drip and it was making the slightest movement very inconvenient. I can't go to the washroom on my own and I had to press the bell for the nurse whenever I needed to do it (which happened very frequently). I can't sleep at all the previous night with all those machines strapped on to me and also because my pulse was reaching 129 and the palpitations were making it almost impossible for me to sleep. The gynae came around 9am in the morning and saw that the contractions were under control but still had me on the drip for further monitoring. I was also given injection to mature the lungs of the baby, injection to stabilize the pregnancy and hormone patches as well. Those injections were oil-based and very painful. So I had to spend another night at the labor ward.

Throughout the 2 days at the labor ward, I could hear mothers-to-be coming in for delivery and all the screaming and yelling do sound terrible. Inside of me, I wanted myself to experience that but I kept telling the baby to hold it in and that I was not ready to deliver her as yet.

27th March – The gynae told me that I can be transferred to a normal ward since my condition had stabilized and I can be off the drip but there wasn’t any room available so I had to wait further in the labor ward. I was finally transferred to the normal ward with a more comfortable bed and TV.
I guess you could say I was in a lighter mood then although there was this tinge of worry still lingering. I can actually catch some sleep on this day.

28th March – The gynae gave me the clearance to discharge today but I had to go for the painful injections and apply hormone patches on my own. I was happy to be able to go home and was given hospitalization leave to rest at home. Went home, got a shower and headed straight to bed to rest. I was feeling pretty relieved that I did not experience any spotting or other symptoms.

29th March – Around 6.30am, I felt dampness in my underpants. I went to the toilet and saw that my underpants’ was pretty wet but didn’t really think of it much and changed to another pair. Around 6.45am, I felt dampness again and went to check it out. I saw blood and immediately burst out crying and screamed for my hubby. My hubby asked me to call the gynae and quickly packed stuff to bring to the hospital. The gynae asked me to go to hospital immediately. Again, I was back in the hospital less than 24 hours after I checked out. The bleeding and water didn’t stop and I was strapped on and put on the drip again. The gynae came and checked if my cervix is dilated and confirmed it wasn’t. Next my blood was drawn for investigation and vaginal swaps were done.

My contractions went off in the late afternoon with slightly lesser bleeding; I was allowed to go back into the normal ward.

30th March – Around 12+am, I started to feel some tightness in my tummy. I disregarded it and tried to get some sleep. Around 1+ am, the tightness developed into very mild pain and an hour later, I started to feel real pain. I called for the nurse and they wheeled me back to the labor ward.

My contractions started coming on every 5 – 6 mins but it was still bearable. Around 7am, the gynae came and told me that my white blood count was high indicating that an infection exist and suspected it came from the other fetus.

I was given IV antibiotics while they tried to measure my contractions, they never really succeed, as the graph didn’t show any but I was visibly in pain. My ventolin drip was increased to a very high level that my pulse was over 130 which might potentially lead to heart failure so they quickly inject me with something to stop my heart from beating too fast.

The pain became unbearable and timing between each contraction became pretty close around 9+am. At around 10am, I was wheeled into the delivery suite as I was experiencing constant pain. And the nurses were still trying to take my contractions and asked me where the pain was, I was really in a mind to ask them to f*** off, can’t they see I’m in real pain? I was screaming and yelling for the doc while I think the nurses were preparing for delivery.

The nurse told my hubby that the test results also showed that my protein level is high which means my body is actually trying to fight off the infection. The gynae came running in shouting – I’m here…I’m here and check for my dilation. I was 9 cm dilated and he quickly went on to prepare for delivery.

Then suddenly I felt water flowing out from underneath and I told hubby – I’m leaking and the next thing I knew, an explosion seemed to happen as my water bag burst and the liquid was flung across the room. The nurse was stunned as they didn’t expect it to happen so quickly and the gynae shouted – water bag burst and ran to my side. The next thing I knew, the baby was out, I can still remembered seeing the baby curled up on the metal table and the gynae quickly took a piece of cloth and covered her up. At that moment, I felt no pain at all. He then proceeded to try to get my placenta out and kept pulling at it but it didn’t seem to get anywhere and he said I might need to go under the knife to get it out.

Next thing I knew, the pain came again when they wanted to inject some sedative on me, the moment they did the injection, I felt another wave of pain and I pushed again and out came the placenta together with the other fetus.

I heard the gynae mentioned that it was a confirmed infection from the other fetus. By that time, I was almost sedated. As everything came too suddenly, the gynae noticed a small tear in my vagina and told my hubby that it will healed by itself and needed no stitches. They cleaned me up and pushed me back to the ward. I heard the gynae said the effect of the sedative will take around 4 hours to wear off. After being wheeled back to the ward, surprisingly, I woke up and sat up. But I still had to be injected with antibodies for the infection.

And reality sets in, I lost my baby girl. The pain was too much to handle. I don’t know what to think, what to say and what to do.

The Day I Killed My Unborn Baby!!!

During a detailed scan in the previous week, one of my twins was found to have excessive fluid in the brain also known as hydrocephalus.

The brain is constantly producing fluid (known as cerebrospinal fluid or CSF) as part of its normal daily routine. Under normal circumstances, this fluid is drained from the brain into the spinal canal and is reabsorbed by the body, keeping the amount in the brain in a constant balance. When normal drainage does not occur, or for some reason the brain is producing too much CSF to be able to drain through normal means, the CSF builds up in the ventricles of the brain and causes pressure. This condition is known as hydrocephalus and, despite the fact that it is one of the single most common birth defects, most people have never heard of it.


Besides this, the baby also detected with SUA. Single umbilical artery (SUA) is the most common malformation of the umbilical cord. On its own, SUA does not necessarily pose a risk to the mother or the child as an umbilical cord with just one artery is sufficient to support a pregnancy to term. However, SUA does increase the child’s risk for certain birth defects.


Normally, when the umbilical cord develops, it forms three vessels: two arteries and one vein. However, in some cases, just one artery develops. Precisely why this occurs is not entirely known. It is suspected, though, that one artery may simply stop growing as it develops or perhaps that the primordial umbilical artery does not divide properly. Additionally, women having a multiple pregnancy are three to four times as likely to develop SUA.


The main problem is hydrocephalus. I had a scan done by NUH antenal diagnostic center as recommended by my gynae. After getting the results, I went for a second opinion with a fetal medicine and high-risk pregnancy specialist at Raffles Hospital and the conclusion is the same.


I was advised to do a selective fetocide which means to terminate the heartbeat for one of the twins. This is because the weaker twin might not survive even if i carry to full term because the brain is not developing. And if anything happen to the weaker twin during the pregnancy, I might have to do preterm delivery which will not be good to the healthy twin as well.


However, the procedure does poses some risks. Selective fetocide can result in spontaneous abortion or severe preterm delivery, which may occur several months after the procedure. Potassium chloride will be injected to the twin's heart and the heart will slowly stopped and the body supposedly be re-absorbed back into the body leaving the bones and others that cannot be re-absorbed in the placenta. This will then be delivered together with my other twin upon my delivery date.


It was really a difficult decision for us and the longer we took to make the decision, the higher the risks. I cried everyday thinking about it and praying for a miracle to happen. The date and time of the procedure was already set and all I had to do was to turn up.

Finally the day arrived, we drove to the hospital and walked solemnly to the center. There was this moment that I really wanted to turn away and leave. After waiting for a while, the doctor came and I was in the room to do some scan and to measure how deep the needle had to be inserted into the fetus's heart. I thought I saw improvement in the fetus and was happy momentarily, however, it was a false alarm. After the scan, the doctor mentioned that the condition of the baby had worsen. There was hardly any brain tissue found. I was so sad...so sad.

We were told to come back in an hour's time as the doctor's assistant for the procedure was called again for an emergency operation. We wandered around the hospital and I was trying to distract myself by browsing through magazines when the phone rang and I was told to go back to the center.

They led me into the room, did some more scan and told hubby to go out as the doctor mentioned it was not going to be pretty sight. As I will be given only local anaethesia, the doctor advised me to keep my eyes closed. My abdomen was sterilised and iodine was applied. I can feel the pain when the LA was applied and I closed my eyes.

The procedure took longer than I expected and I could hear them talking...stuff such as add some more....it's being hidden...can i put in now etc...I tried to block all these and just wished everything was over in the soonest possible time. Then I heard the doctor talking to me...I opened my eyes and I saw it. The baby had stopped moving, I could see the doctor trying to shake the baby and the lifeless baby just reacting to it. I fought back my tears as the doctor told me he would be giving me anti-biotics to prevent any infection and some medicine to relax my uterus.

My husband was called in and the doctor showed us the other healthy baby and the heartbeat. I was told to have bedrest, not to do any housework, carry anything heavy etc and to come back the following week for another check. After that I was brought to the recuperating room to take a rest.

I started tearing when I was in the recuperating room. She's gone....I have lost my unborn baby girl. I was looking forward to see the progress of the other baby but at the same time, I was so scared that something bad might happen to her as well. I prayed that God will bless this little baby girl and prayed that she will be borned a healthy baby girl.

Happy Valentine's Day

Received a bouquet of red roses from hubby today. There are a total of 27 roses arranged in 13 and 14 roses which stands for yi sheng yi shi...interesting and sweet,right?

We went to Sushi Tei at Big Splash for dinner. Too bad I can't take any sashimi and I think its the longest time we spent at a sushi place..hahaha.

I did not get anything special for hubby...just a card and a tie.

It was a nice evening....walking around the new Big Splash compound and so that concludes our V-Day celebration.

Happy Lunar New Year!!

It's the time of the year again...where people stuffed themselves with chinese new year goodies and gambling away all their ang pow money.
It's not that I don't like the lunar new year..it's supposed to be a great chance for me to rest and visit those "meet-once-a-year" relatives.

But I can tell you, I can hardly rest.

On New Year's Eve, I will be at my parents' plc for reunion dinner around 6pm and then zoom off to my in-law's place for reunion dinner and they only start around 9pm. Can you imagine if I have to wait for them, I would have died from hunger. On the bright side, it gives me the opportunity to have dinner at both places on the same day.

So this year, the dinner at my in-law's starts at 9.30pm...more like supper...and I don't dare to eat much, fearing indigestion and leading to more puking....

On first day of new year, the most feared day...why? Cos' it can stretch up to at night around 11pm and I really cannot tahan the toil of moving from places to places and just sitting around and be a mute. Because I don't know them so all I did was sit, drink and watch TV.

I always go to my mum's plc on the first day's morning as my elder sister only return on this day with my niece and nephew for the new year.

One thing I am still trying to figure out about my in-laws for decade....really...i have known them for more than a decade but still I don't understand this specific behaviour of them. They told us to be there at 1pm for lunch and we will go off after that...guess what time we left the place? 3.30pm!!! I just don't understand the need for them to keep on dragging the time, doing nothing...walking around the house. Isn't it better to start early so that you can go back early to rest?

By around 5pm, I was starting to feel uncomfortable. I just felt so uncomfortable sitting down and it was a terrible feeling...I got up and went out of the relative's house to walk around but it didn't help.

We were supposed to visit hubby's godma on the second day of new year but she wasn't at home so it was dragged till sunday. As my in-laws wanted to go as well, we decided to have lunch at our in-law's place and told them we will reach at 1pm for lunch. When we reached, they were just starting to cook lunch!!!And they told us we were going to 2 other relative's place!!! I was pretty upset as I was preparing to have a short day so I could go home and rest and the next day is a working day.

So the dragging went on again and we left the house at 3pm. I wanted to leave the last place of visitation around 6pm but my sister-in-law said she needed to feed the kid...inside of me I was thinking that might take at least another 1 hour with the way the feeding was done!!!

Ok, I know I was complaining too much but I just don't seem to like all these visitations.

I really wondered what happen to my generation when our parents passed on. Will we still be doing the visitations?

You read people in China all scurrying home for this festive season whereas some of singaporeans are leaving home to take refuge from this festive season. Are they trying to avoid the ang pow money or they also dun like visitations? One interesting thing to note is, I saw on TV that there seem to be more elderly people opting to travel for holidays during this period, weird, isn't it? I thought these are the people who will observe the traditions and stayed at home.

Eventful Week

After 3 days in the hospital, hubby was finally allowed to be discharged and the cause is due to thyroid. So he had to be on medication until remission.

For his health-sake, I stopped him from going exercising till I said so, only take carbo on one meal per day, stopped taking food with iodine (such as seaweed), eat more bananas to increase potassium level and I am cooking every dinner at home for him.

Excessive exercising and carbo seem to be causing the deficiency in potassium which leads to the weakness in the muscles.

Immediately the next day after he was discharged, I got urinary infection and was down for 2 days. Coupled with the giddiness I felt, I also keep vomitting so I felt really really sick. I must really thank God I wasn't sick when he was hospitalised.

Within a month, I got 2 occurrences of rashes and 2 occurrences of urinary infection, not to mention the morning sickness (whole day sickness more like it) I am having.

I am in my 15th week of pregnancy and I only gained 900g. Thank God, the babies are growing and not affected by the little weight gain I am having. Secretly though, I am hoping my weight gain won't be a lot else I will have difficulty losing it after that.

Hospitalised!!!!

Not me but Hubby. I woke up in the morning and found him missing. I looked around for him and found him in one of the toilets sitting on the floor. He had been there for almost an hour and couldn't move to get up after limping to the toilet to vomit. I had to drag him back to the room. He kept on vomitting thereafter.

Lifted him up on the bed and called the nearby clinics for housecall. Called up 3 of the clinics but the doctors were too busy to come. In the end, I called the ambulance to bring us to the nearest Changi Hospital.

Was waiting in the A&E for over an hour when the doctor finally came and told me that he had potassium deficiency and needed to be warded. The nurse brought me to do the admission arrangements and he was put on the potassium chloride drip which was very painful. I can see him trying to endure the pain.

I spent the rest of my day with him in the ward and working on my laptop while he rested. I was glad to see him recovering the usage of his limbs as the night progresses. The doctor couldn't find out any reason so he had to be warded for another day or two while they run scans and tests on him. A possible reason might be linked to his family history of thyroid.

Now I just wanted him to get well and stayed well and hopefully the doctor can find some reasons to the deficiency.

NT Scan

Went for a NT scan yesterday to determine the risk of me having down syndrome's babies.
Was glad the results came out well and I belong to the low risk catergory...will need to go for FA scan sometime in Feb to check for any fetal abnormalities.

The sonographer doing the scan told me because I'm having twins so I need to go for more frequent scans. And she was having a lot of problems taking the measurements as the babies are very active and kept moving about.

I was very happy to see my 2nd twin growing very well. He/She was half the size of the 1st twin 2 weeks back and got me real worried then. Today, my gynae prescribed some fish oil for the development of the babies' brains.

Bad news is my blood pressure is still pretty high and now I need to take 4 pills a day. Initially I only needed 2 pills and it was increased to 3 and now 4.

The other bad news is I started to vomit more fequent again just when it got better few weeks back.